I just took the midterm for my second summer class yesterday. I just came home from my second vacation also. I’m relieved to finally venture out to see family again. What a privilege to have these people in my life and to be able to visit them! Still, I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed by everything right now.
I started trying to collect data from my research sites, but I’m encountering all kinds of hurdles. I’ve been unable to collect complete data due to dead batteries, extreme heat, and my surprise when it turns out I can’t actually carry that much weight on my back for multiple miles around downtown in said extreme heat. Though I do enjoy looking like a ghost buster… I’ve since ordered a wagon.
I keep feeling like I’m losing interest in my work. I’m putting in an awful lot of effort, making so many mistakes, making so little progress that it feels like nothing, and coming home exhausted. Is what I’m doing even worth doing? I’m not sure. I thought it was when I started, but I’m having trouble putting my finger on exactly why at this point.
A serious problem with this kind of research (maybe most or all research?) is it’s basically impossible to know if what you’re doing is “worth doing” until you’ve done it. So, I’m going to keep putting in the effort and coming home exhausted, hopefully with fewer mistakes and more progress, until I’ve got data. Then I’ll know if it was worth it.
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First of all, this is great writing. I’m excited to go through your previous posts, and follow your science moving forward!
Second, LiCOR’s are tricky, I used one in my masters and they are finicky (as is the time-series data analysis) so you’re not alone there.
Finally, I totally agree with your sentiment about science. A friend (who does protein work related to cancer treatments) described that her dissertation is like adding a grain a sand to the large human-sand-dune of knowledge. It’ll take many more of her, doing similar work, before it can be implemented to help cancer patients. It takes time, even for her science in the medical realm. But we’re not in the medical field, we study dirt (said tongue in cheek)! When I was really worried about some LiCOR observation issues, my advisor told me “Hey, we’re not saving lives here, so it’s probably ok that XYZ doesn’t work perfect.” That really helped to calm my nerves at the time. Now being close to finishing my soils degree, I’m revisiting the first part of his advice about not saving lives; am I ok with a career in soil/ecosystems that hardly ever involves people? I’m not so sure.
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